Words by Chicago North Shore Moms family law contributor, Melissa Caballero Dunn, managing partner with Merel Family Law*

By the middle of July, most North Shore families have found a rhythm. Camp pickup is the same time every day, bedtime has drifted later, and nobody has looked at a permission slip in weeks. Then August arrives and it all has to be rebuilt in three weeks.

Co-parenting: For families sharing custody across two households, that rebuild takes twice the coordination. The calendar that worked all summer stops working the day school starts, and the small gaps that were easy to absorb in July become real problems in September. A backpack at the wrong house on a Tuesday is a bigger deal than a swimsuit at the wrong house in June.

None of this requires going back to court. This co-parenting coordination mostly takes deciding a few things early, while everyone is still relaxed enough to be reasonable.

Co-parenting: Start with the school calendar, not the parenting schedule

North Shore districts release their calendars in the spring, and they rarely line up neatly with a parenting plan written years ago. Institute days, half days, early dismissals, and the long weekends nobody remembers until the week before generate the most conflict, because those are the days two parents assume two different answers.

Pull the calendar now, together if you can, and mark every day that is not a normal school day. Decide who has the child on each and write it somewhere you both can see. Ten minutes in July prevents a tense text thread in October.

Agree on what travels and what stays

Duplicating gear at both houses is the most effective move many co-parents make. Two sets of school supplies, two sets of activity clothes, two chargers. It costs more upfront and saves a season of logistics. What genuinely has to travel, usually the laptop, the instrument, and the homework folder, should be a short list your child knows by the first day of school.

Make sure the school can reach both houses

Teachers and coaches send information to whoever is in the system, and if that is only one parent, the other finds out about the science fair late and feels shut out. Ask the school to add both parents to email lists, the portal, and the emergency contact card. Unless a court order limits a parent’s access, Illinois schools are generally required to give both parents the same information when asked. Sign up for the same apps. See the same grades on the same day.

Handle activities as a joint decision, not a surprise

Travel soccer, a fall play, and Saturday tutoring all consume parenting time, sometimes a lot of it. Registering a child for something that eats into the other parent’s weekend without discussing it first is one of the common ways a workable arrangement starts to fray. Depending on your parenting plan, extracurriculars may also be a choice you are required to make together, not just a courtesy. Talk about the season before you pay the deposit, including who drives, who pays, and who sits in the folding chair in the rain.

Give your child the version they actually need

Children do not need to know how the calendar negotiation went. They need to know where they are sleeping Sunday night and who is picking them up Wednesday. A printed calendar on the refrigerator at both houses does more for a nine year old than any conversation about fairness. Predictability is what makes them feel steady.

Co-parenting: When the plan itself is the problem

Sometimes the friction is not organizational. If your parenting plan was written when your child was in preschool and they are now in middle school with a bus schedule and a travel team, it may simply be out of date. That is normal to revisit, and far easier in a quiet stretch of the year than in the middle of a dispute.

The goal in August is not a perfect plan. It is one both households understand the same way, so your child walks into the first day thinking about their teacher instead of their logistics.

*This post contains sponsored content from Merel Family Law, your family in family law serving Chicago and North Shore families since 2009.

About Melissa Caballero Dunn

Melissa Caballero Dunn is the Managing Partner at Merel Family Law, a certified mediator and collaborative-divorce-trained litigator who has practiced family law exclusively since 2008, is judge-appointed to represent children’s interests in custody cases, was named to Chicago’s Forty Under 40 in 2023, and is known for combining strong advocacy with empathy for clients navigating divorce, custody, and other family law matters.

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