Graduating from a fertility practice is a milestone that carries so many complex emotional scars. Dr. Thanh-Ha Luu and Dr. Lisa Shandley, both physicians at InVia Fertility who have personal experiences navigating their own family-planning journeys, chat about the lasting impact of infertility, the friendships that carry people through it, and the unexpected strength that often comes out the other side. This read is an homage to the mamas who can relate, whether it’s because you’re going through it, have been there, supported a friend or have received that unadulterated support. We see you.
Words by InVia Fertility
Moving Forward
Whether you’ve experienced infertility yourself or supported a friend through it, there’s often an assumption that once someone “graduates” from a fertility practice, the journey is over. After months, or sometimes years, of appointments, injections, waiting, setbacks, hope, and heartbreak, people finally begin imagining life beyond fertility treatment.
But according to Dr. Thanh-Ha Luu and Dr. Lisa Shandley of InVia Fertility, the experience of infertility often continues to shape people long after they leave the practice. “Graduating from a fertility practice is incredibly meaningful,” says Dr. Shandley. “But many people discover that parts of infertility stay emotionally present long afterward.”
Dr. Luu & family
Both physicians understand this professionally and personally. Having experienced fertility challenges themselves, they know firsthand how infertility can continue shaping emotions, friendships, and relationships well beyond treatment.
Lessons That Last
“People often assume that once there’s a pregnancy or a baby, the infertility chapter is over emotionally too,” says Dr. Luu. “But for many, it’s really the beginning of a different chapter, one where they’re making sense of everything they’ve been through.” For some, it’s anxiety during pregnancy after infertility. For others, it’s a new appreciation for their resilience, the relationships that sustained them, and how far they’ve come. “People going through fertility treatment often remember who showed up for them,” says Dr. Shandley. “The friends who checked in, acknowledged the difficult moments, or simply stayed close through the uncertainty.”
Dr. Shandley and family.
For many, those relationships become one of the most meaningful and unexpected gifts of the journey. Dr. Luu agrees. “One of the things I’ve seen, both personally and professionally, is how much people grow through the experience,” says Dr. Luu. “The journey can be incredibly difficult, but it often reveals a level of resilience and strength they may not have recognized in themselves before.”
Friendship in Unexpected Places
Even after becoming mothers, many find themselves carrying forward the lessons they learned during fertility treatment, building stronger relationships and often forming meaningful new connections in the chapters that follow. “One of the things I see most often is how people carry their experiences forward in positive ways,” says Dr. Shandley. “They become more thoughtful friends, stronger advocates, and a source of support for others.”
That understanding can become especially important when friendships evolve in different directions. One person may be parenting young children while another is still navigating treatment cycles, pregnancy loss, or difficult decisions about next steps. “Those relationships can feel emotionally complicated at times,” says Dr. Luu. “But I’ve also seen how much compassion and understanding can grow from those experiences. Friendships are often stronger when there’s room for honesty on both sides.”
The doctors emphasize that mixed emotions are valid. “Most people genuinely want to support the people they love,” says Dr. Luu. “Giving each other grace, and remembering that no one navigates these situations perfectly, can go a long way.”
“A friend can be genuinely happy for you and still grieving for herself,” says Dr. Luu. “Those feelings are not mutually exclusive.”
Small Gestures, Big Impact
One of the most meaningful things friends can do, they say, is stay connected through difficult conversations, even when they’re unsure what to say. “If your friend has gone through infertility, don’t assume she no longer needs support just because she’s pregnant or parenting,” says Dr. Shandley. “Many people are still processing parts of that experience long afterward.”
Instead, both physicians encourage people to lead with honesty, compassion, and grace, both for others and for themselves.
Simple gestures matter, checking in after appointments, remembering important milestones, sending a thoughtful text, listening without immediately offering solutions, and allowing space for difficult emotions.
“Most people don’t need you to say the perfect thing,” says Dr. Shandley. “They just need to know you’re still there.” And if you’ve ever found yourself thinking about your fertility journey, or the people who helped carry you through it, you’re certainly not the only one. For many, the experience becomes a meaningful part of their story, reminding them to appreciate how far they’ve come, cherish the people who helped them get there, and look forward to all the joy still ahead.
