Words by Chicago North Shore Moms contributing partner Sharon Count, divorce mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.
Photos: Pexels
Many moms pause at the edge of divorce not because of emotion, but because they do not understand the finances. This story written by contributing partner, Sharon Count, founder of Center for Divorce Resolution, explores how slowing down, asking questions, and gaining clarity can make the future feel less uncertain.
I see this moment often. She had not decided yet.
When she sat across from me, she told me she was thinking about divorce, but she had not said the word out loud to anyone. Not to friends. Not to family. Not even fully to herself. What stopped her was not emotion. It was money.
She did not know what the finances really looked like. She knew there were accounts, investments, retirement plans, and college savings. She knew there were benefits tied to work that felt complicated and unfamiliar. And she was afraid that once she started asking questions, she would discover something she did not understand or could not fix. I see this moment all the time.
As a divorce mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, I meet many moms right here. Not angry. Not dramatic. Just stuck, because the financial picture feels overwhelming.
The Fear Is Not About Wanting More
When she spoke, she didn’t say she wanted half of everything. What she said was that she did not even know where to start. She assumed divorce finances were supposed to be simple. A checking account. A savings account. Maybe a 401(k).
But like many families, their finances had grown layered over time. There were multiple accounts. Stock based compensation. Retirement plans. College savings. Benefits tied to future employment. Looking at it all felt paralyzing. She worried that not knowing meant she had already failed somehow.
We Slowed Everything Down
When people are scared, they often think they need to decide quickly. In divorce, that is rarely true. So, we slowed everything down. We did not start with dividing assets. We started with understanding. One account at a time. No acronyms. No legal or financial jargon. No pressure to agree.
We talked through what each account was. How it worked. When it could be accessed. What the tax implications might be. As clarity grew, something shifted. Her shoulders relaxed. Her questions became more specific. The fear softened. Understanding does that.
Fair Does Not Always Mean Splitting Everything in Half
One of the biggest surprises for her was learning that fairness does not always mean dividing every account right down the middle. Some assets made sense to divide directly. Others were better handled through offsets. The goal was not symmetry. The goal was balance and long-term stability. This approach reduced unnecessary tax issues, simplified life after divorce, and allowed both parents to move forward with a clearer plan.
The Agreement Was Long Because It Was Clear
The final financial agreement was about 40 pages long. Not because it was complicated, but because nothing was assumed. Every account was listed. Every decision was explained. Years later, she will not have to rely on memory or interpretation. It is all written clearly, in one place. Clarity is calming, especially when life already feels uncertain.
If You Are Standing at the Beginning
If you are thinking about divorce and feel frozen because you do not understand the finances, I want you to hear this. Not knowing does not mean you are unprepared. Feeling scared does not mean you are making the wrong choice.
You are allowed to slow down.
You are allowed to ask questions.
When you understand, the future feels less unknown.
About the author: Sharon Count is a divorce mediator, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and founder of Center for Divorce Resolution.
Sharon understands firsthand the damage and tumult a family can experience during a divorce case. She experienced an excruciatingly long divorce process; so long, in fact, that Sharon’s case endured the death of one judge, the dementia of another, and countless therapy sessions, including hospitalization of all four of her children. After all of that, her case was resolved with the help of a divorce mediator in the matter of 24 hours. When all was final, Sharon picked up the pieces of her shattered life, and chose to look forward. She explains, “I fell in love with the process, immediately enrolled in mediation training at Northwestern University School of Professional Studies, and have since mediated over 500 divorces in the past 10 years.” Learn more about Sharon Count in Chicago North Shore Mom’s Meet a Mom Spotlight here.
