Hello friendly faces! It’s a new Chicago North Shore Moms spotlight brought to you in part by Mary Gifford of Gifford Law.
Get ready to meet a mom who leads with heart, purpose, and unwavering dedication to her career as an in-house divorce coach for Merel Family Law, Kristina Lindsay. The Glenview mom of two has a gift for connecting with others, drawing from her personal and professional journey to empower those navigating some of life’s most challenging transitions. And if you’re wondering what exactly a divorce coach is and does, let’s start off by mentioning that Kristina is certified High Conflict Divorce Coach and a Certified Domestic Violence Professional. She combines empathy with expertise to guide clients through the emotional and logistical aspects of divorce with clarity and confidence. Her vibrant family life, from raising two spirited kids to cheering on her nieces and nephews, reflects her joyful spirit. Kristina’s adventurous past, love for nature and live music, and deep commitment to safe home advocacy make her someone you instantly want to know more about. Welcome, Kristina!
Hi Kristina! Please introduce yourself. Where are you from originally? What city do you live in now? What brought you here?
I’m Kristina Lindsay, in house divorce coach at Merel Family Law and a married mom of two! I am from the Northwest suburbs and moved to Glenview (where my husband grew up) after we started a family. My amazing husband and I actually met the summer before college at Gillson Beach in Wilmette. We have been together for 25 years. We also have a goldendoodle named Hank Williams – he brings lots of joy to our home. I have 6 nieces and nephews going through the Glenview school system with my children – we joke there is a Lindsay in every grade!
My children are truly the lights of my life! My daughter is about to graduate 8th grade and my son is a 5th grader. I can’t believe I will have a high schooler and middle schooler next year! They are both funny, creative and natural leaders. My daughter loves playing flag football, skiing and most importantly socializing with all her friends! My son is dedicated to jiu jitsu, plays flag football, and golf. He can often be found playing pick up games of basketball with his buddies!
What are a few fun facts to know about you?
I’ve lived in many places – Tucson AZ, Santa Fe, NM, Vienna, Austria, and London. Before having children I loved the freedom of picking up and hitting the road!
I have a sourdough starter that I grew, and make sourdough every week.
I love swimming laps, being in nature, going to concerts – especially country/folk artists like Colter Wall, Tyler Childers, and Gillian Welch! Although you will find me at Beyoncé in May!
What are your favorite local places, spaces and eats to frequent?
I love Space in Evanston for concerts – Out of Space in the summer is a tradition. Mingle on the Glen has wonderful acai bowls! Our family loves Blu Fish for sushi, Three Tarts Bakery for cookies and treats and Le Colonial in Lake Forest for an always delicious meal. Evanston is always a hit – Hewn Bakery, Backlot Coffee are favs.
What are you reading and watching?
I just finished The Mighty Red by Louise Erdrich (and loved it) and currently binging Yellowstone along with lots of Bravo.
What’s one piece of advice you’ve gotten that’s guided you?
I’ve been fortunate to have had several great mentors throughout my career. One piece of advice that really stuck with me was regarding perspective, especially when working with clients in the court system. It’s easy to get caught up in the details or the perceived injustices of a particular case. But my mentor often reminded me to shift my focus from the micro to the macro. By stepping back and looking at the broader picture, I could accept the reality that the system may be imperfect but also recognize the importance of the fight and the change we’re striving for.
… And it sounds like this ties into your line of work?
Yes, this shift in perspective has been incredibly valuable in my work as both an advocate and a coach. I find that helping clients navigate the details of their cases while also connecting them to the bigger picture allows them to stay focused on their long-term goals and feel empowered in the process. It’s a mindset that helps me stay grounded, even in challenging situations, and ultimately strengthens the support I provide to my clients.
Let’s get down to business. You’ve recently been added to the team at Merel Family Law with your niche expertise as a divorce coach. Please tell us a little bit about Merel Family Law, which office you work from.
I am so excited about this special opportunity! I am one of only two in house divorce coaches in the nation! From the moment I met Jonathan and Melissa, I had a great feeling that we could really catapult this idea of comprehensive holistic support for our clients. You will find me downtown several times a week at our amazing new office space (hello scooters and Peloton room!). I love getting to meet with our amazing staff – it is one of the best parts of being in-house. You can’t beat having a great team of colleagues to collaborate with! Other days I am remote (most of my sessions take place via Zoom). I like to pop by the Highland Park office often as well.
Pictured here from left to right: Jonathan Merel, Kristina Lindsay, Melissa Caballero Dunn
As a divorce coach you are highly qualified. What are your certifications and what does that mean for how you work with your clients?
I have worked with survivors of abuse in a variety of capacities for two decades – I first started out volunteering at the Santa Fe Rape Crisis Center in New Mexico in 2005. I became an IL Certified Domestic Violence Professional in 2016. I obtained my certification as a High Conflict Divorce Coach in 2022. I thought it was a great compliment to advance the advocacy work I was doing at the time. I launched my own business and was able to combine both certifications to provide goal-oriented support with a deep understanding of the dynamics of domestic abuse. Safety planning is often a component in my sessions with clients. Of course, not every divorce is high conflict, and many clients are not experiencing abuse. However, simple things like communications with one’s ex or feeling overwhelmed by the legal process are all natural feelings for anyone! I am there to help ease the burden for clients, smooth out the bumps when I can, and streamline communications. Everyone deserves support when navigating a life transition like divorce.
Tell us about your work in high-crisis environments, including civil and criminal court and what the impetus was behind going into this career path.
High crisis work is tough! However, there is something special about supporting a person in their worst moment. I worked as a Legal Advocate for many years with a fantastic team (we called ourselves “The Dream Team”) and assisted clients in obtaining Orders of Protection. Time and time again, I saw clients whose Order of Protection cases would be dismissed once it was consolidated into their divorce or parentage case. It often didn’t matter how severe the abuse was or if firearms were involved. This resulted in not only my clients being unsafe, but their children as well.
The pain and danger my clients experienced was unacceptable to me. Advocates know all too well the feeling of saying goodbye to your client and fearing you may never see them again because they may be killed by their abusive partner. Years later, when working in hospitals providing bedside crisis assistance to patients experiencing abuse, I came across the very new field of high conflict divorce coaching through the grassroots work of One Mom’s Battle – It was like a puzzle piece coming together. I knew this would be the next step in my advocacy work.
How does divorce coaching work? Does it work with the couple getting a divorce or do you often take one spouse?
I work with our clients at Merel Family Law – the person who has retained the firm has the option of having coaching sessions with me. I do not meet with both parties. Before we meet, there is prep work involved! I tailor our sessions to be able to meet the real-time goals a client has. I have both intake and individual session forms for my clients to utilize- not one second gets wasted! Another fantastic benefit to being in house is my being able to review court orders and full files – it ensures accuracy and allows for a comprehensive strategy to be the focal point. Some of the things I work on with clients are communication, co-parenting, boundaries, safety planning, goal setting, preparing for various court-ordered evaluations or mediation, profiling the high-conflict person, and documentation. My client’s overall wellbeing is paramount to me. I am also equipped to provide resource and referral when needed. In certain cases, lethality assessments may be necessary as well. I am a certified assessor in the Danger Assessment.
What are the advantages of utilizing a divorce coach?
Working with a divorce coach is a cost-effective way to get cohesive support during one of the most destabilizing times of life. The field itself is recognized by the American Bar Association. As an in-house divorce coach, I am able to collaborate with a client’s attorney, guide a client in practical ways that will make the legal process easier, and raise up concerns a client may have to their attorney. It truly is a win-win.
There is also the protection of confidentiality that I offer being part of a firm. Many of my clients are dealing with post-separation abuse in one form or another. It comforts them and empowers them to have a coach that understands their struggle and can safety plan when needed. I love seeing the transformation that my clients go through. We may start out working together and the way forward may feel overwhelming and bleak. Through our sessions we focus on reframing, radical acceptance and practical goals. We celebrate the small wins that can be overlooked in a case.
Additionally, financial concerns are often on the forefront of a client’s mind. My rate is far lower than an attorney and the natural inclination a client may have to reach out repeatedly to their attorney can be draining. I help streamline this and coach our clients to discern what is worth raising up to their attorney and what is a minor issue we can problem solve together.
I see clients that are in all parts of the process from contemplation, pre-decree, to post-decree. Support from a coach can really take a person from crisis to calm.
Why is an attorney sometimes not enough?
The breakdown of a marriage is devastating. A skilled attorney is essential! However, an attorney has a specific role and managing the emotional load that a client may have or their fears about the future is not one of them. A therapist can help a person process the past. A divorce coach helps a client focus forward, provides support and validation along the journey, and understands the legal process in a way that most therapists don’t.
What else would you like our audience to know about your work or Merel Family Law?
While divorce coaching is a newer field, it truly is the way of the future. As a person contemplates divorce, assembling their team is an essential component – I really want to encourage those this is resonating with to know that support is deserved and just a call away. I am always happy to consult with someone who may be contemplating this type of change. Our firm is full of dedicated, fierce compassionate attorneys. I am so privileged to be able to offer coaching support for our client base.
What’s the best way to reach out for more information?
Visit my page on the website to schedule a call or call 312-408-7000.
About Our Meet a Mom Sponsor
A very heartfelt thank you to CNSMoms’ Meet a Mom sponsor, Lake Forest mom of three and owner of Gifford Law, a solo Estate Planning Firm (wills and trusts). Mary, we appreciate your support of local moms in our North Shore communities! Learn more about Mary by visiting her Meet a Mom spotlight here! Contact Mary directly here: [email protected].
